3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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