Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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