if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize