Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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