if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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