a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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