he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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