lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is the high leading the old right now
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
