I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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