Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
