Banned from zoo.
Again?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
