i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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