I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
