they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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