im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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