i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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