Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
