I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
