I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
