whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
