Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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