My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Drunk is not a location!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
