I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ๐๐#pensacolaproblems
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just put together something from IKEA so thatโs mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize