Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
this just has baby written all over it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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