dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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