I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I know her cup size but not her name....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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