He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
