thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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