At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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