im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize