you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
as a side note pls kill me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
