Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
