Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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