your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
