So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
