dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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