i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
