So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
