Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
