If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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