dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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