She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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