i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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