Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
