I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
