You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize