Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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