Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
