i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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