Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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