Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
