I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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