I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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