oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
