3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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