She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
