my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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