I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
