I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
