But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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