Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
