he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
