I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I fill condoms, not promises.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
